I never had a role model. I was never fascinated by the idea of knowing everything about a particular person because I believed that everyone has their own unique journey. While many people look up to actor role models or famous individuals as role models and try to emulate their way of life, I often wondered: What does having a role model truly mean to me? After all, no human is without flaws.
For a long time, I thought a role model had to be someone perfect—someone with thriving relationships, immense joy, and success in all they do. But is that definition, correct? I’ve realized it’s not. Over time, I’ve come to understand that you don’t need to look for perfection in a single person. Instead, you can admire certain qualities in different individuals and adopt those positive traits in your own life. Role models can be many, and they inspire you in specific ways—not because they’re flawless, but because their strengths resonate with you.
When my son was born, I began reflecting on this idea even more deeply. As a mother, I often wonder what kind of example I’m setting for my child, knowing that mothers are typically the first role model children encounter. Having never had a defined role model myself, I struggled with the question: What kind of role model do I want to be? This led me to reflect on my behavior, as well as my mother’s, and along the way, I came to some meaningful realizations.
These realizations aren’t rules to live by—they are lessons from my own journey. But perhaps they’ll resonate with you too.
1. Prioritize Self-Care
Motherhood can be overwhelming, and I’ll admit there have been times when I completely neglected myself while juggling responsibilities. But I’ve realized that self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. When I started taking care of my own mental and physical health—whether it was eating well, exercising, or just taking a moment to breathe—I became a better version of myself for my child.
There was a phase when I was so focused on being the “perfect” mother and employee that I ignored my own needs. It left me exhausted and irritable, and I hated feeling that way around my son. Taking care of myself showed him that it’s okay to value your own well-being, and that’s a lesson I’m glad he’s picking up on.
2. Teach Independence Through Boundaries
I used to do everything for my son, thinking he was too young to manage on his own. But over time, I realized I wasn’t helping him—I was holding him back. Encouraging him to take responsibility for his own tasks, like tidying up his toys, letting him lead when he showed willingness would help both of us in long run.
It wasn’t easy at first; I’d often step in out of habit. But gradually, I saw how proud he felt when he accomplished something on his own. And honestly, it’s made my life a little easier too.
3. Balance Paid and Unpaid Work
Growing up, I saw how much unpaid work my mother did around the house, and without even realizing it, I carried those expectations into my own life. But now, I’m trying to unlearn that and make an effort to value household chores just as much as paid work.
One thing I’m working on is teaching my son that running a home is everyone’s responsibility, not just something women do. I’ve started showing him simple chores and explaining why they matter. It’s not just about teaching him how to cook or clean—it’s about helping him see that these are basic life skills, not “women’s work.”
I want to break the cycle I grew up with, where women took on most of the household work. By involving him now, I hope he’ll grow up understanding that sharing responsibilities is normal and that every kind of work deserves respect. It’s a small step, but I believe it’ll help him see equality as a natural part of life.
4. Involve Children in Decision-Making
I was watching a video of Priyanka Chopra, a renowned celebrity, where she shared an anecdote from her childhood. Outside her house, her parents’ names were carved on the nameplate. At the age of four, in her innocent voice, she asked, “Don’t I live here?” Her father lovingly replied, “Of course you do!” She then asked, “Why isn’t my name up there?” Respecting her suggestion, her father added her name to the nameplate. This story highlights an important lesson: no matter how young your children are, validating their opinions or suggestions makes them feel valued. This practice helps them develop confidence and the ability to express their thoughts without hesitation as they grow.
5. Create a Safe Space for Open Communication
Growing up, I realized my mother was a stricter one. When I had my first crush in eleventh standard, I was unable to understand that feeling. I was scared to share it with my parents. I told her about it anyways and then I realized I did the right thing. She handled it so patiently. Similarly, I knew that I can always go to my father and talk my heart. No matter what. I’ve always wanted the same for my child. He should to comfortable coming to me with anything—the good, the bad, and the embarrassing. I’ve learned that it’s not just about saying, “You can tell me anything”—it’s about showing it through your reactions.
There will be moments when I will have to bite my tongue and listen without judgment, even when I would want to jump in with advice. But those moments will strengthen our bond. And the foundation starts when they are young.
6. Pursue Your Own Goals
For a long time, I felt guilty about wanting more for myself beyond motherhood. But I’ve realized that pursuing my own passions isn’t selfish; it’s inspiring. When my son sees me working towards my goals, he learns the value of perseverance and self-worth.
It hasn’t always been easy. There’s that constant tug-of-war between family and personal ambitions. But I’ve found that even small steps towards my dreams make a difference—for me and for him.
7. Be Mindful of Your Words and Actions
Children are like sponges, soaking up everything we say and do. I’ve caught myself in moments where my frustration or impatience has set the wrong tone, and it’s been a humbling reminder to be more mindful.
One thing I’ve learned is that how I handle challenges—whether it’s a bad day at work or a tough situation at home—sets the example. If I can show resilience and kindness, I’m giving my child the tools to face their own challenges.
8. Foster Emotional Strength
As mothers, we’re often the emotional anchors of our families, but that doesn’t mean we have to carry everything alone. I’ve learned to seek support when I need it, whether through friends, therapy, or just a quiet moment to myself.
Showing my son that it’s okay to ask for help has been an important lesson. It will taught him that strength isn’t about handling everything on your own—it’s about knowing when to lean on others.
9. Celebrate Small Wins and Let Go of Perfection
If there’s one thing motherhood has taught me, it’s that perfection is overrated. Some of my favorite memories with my son are the messy, imperfect ones.
I’ve learned to celebrate the small wins and let go of the pressure to have it all together. It’s made motherhood more joyful for me and, I hope, less stressful for him.
Conclusion
Being a role model as a mother isn’t about grand gestures or having all the answers. For me, it’s been about living authentically and learning alongside my child. These lessons are my own, shaped by my experiences and mistakes. If they resonate with you, I hope they bring a little encouragement and connection to your journey too.
If you are looking for some insights on self-care, do not miss to check my another post on it.