Have you ever caught yourself questioning every little thing you do, feeling like you’re failing at everything all at once? You question your every decision and fear that you may end up making wrong ones. For me, self-doubt wasn’t just a passing thought; it was a dragon I carried with me every day.
Take motherhood, for example. What kind of mother was I if I couldn’t even arrange a dress for my toddler? Or if I couldn’t muster the willpower to avoid comfort food, let alone lose weight? I judged myself harshly for everything. Couldn’t stick to a routine? Not good enough. Skipped a workout? Lazy. Took a shortcut with home remedies instead of doing them myself? Unfit. It got to a point where even a decision outside my control, like having a C-section, became a source of guilt. Just because I heard that children with natural birth are more immune to the diseases.
I blamed myself for things I couldn’t change, and I set impossible standards for myself. I told myself that good mothers had perfectly healthy children, and I failed because my child sometimes got sick. I was so caught up in this narrative that I’d even berate myself if I leaned on the caretaker for help with my toddler.
The Perfect Mother Paradox
It didn’t stop at motherhood. I wasn’t just trying to be a good mom; I wanted to be the perfect mom, daughter-in-law, a good wife, a good daughter and career woman. If my son rejected food, I blamed myself for not giving him enough options. If I took time for my career or ambitions, I felt selfish. If I missed even one day of a meticulously planned six-month goal, I labeled myself as inconsistent and unworthy. If I spent sometime for doing something i loved, I felt I was cheating my organization for not giving my 100% of time hence kept asking for more and more work.
My inner voice was cruel. It told me I wasn’t good enough, and I believed it. I became so dependent on external validation—especially from my husband—that if he didn’t reassure me, I’d spiral into more self-criticism. Looking back, I wonder how I survived that constant cycle of self-judgment.
The Wake-Up Call
Things began to change when I stumbled upon a book called Slay Like a Mother. It was like reading a diary I didn’t know I had. The book introduced me to a powerful concept: what if my inner critic were a real person? Would I ever want to spend five minutes with them? That question hit me like a ton of bricks.
The answer, of course, was no. My inner critic wasn’t a mentor; it was a bully. It forced me to make choices out of fear—fear of judgment, fear of not being good enough, and fear of letting people down. This realization was both painful and liberating.
Learning to Slay the Dragon
I started reevaluating how I spoke to myself. Was my inner dialogue kind or cruel? Was it encouraging or condemning? Slowly, I began to practice self-love. I listened to affirmations, set boundaries, and learned to silence the noise of social pressure and imposter syndrome.
Self-love doesn’t mean you ignore your flaws; it means you recognize them without letting them define you. It’s about making conscious choices and standing by them, even if they’re not popular.
For me, this shift wasn’t easy, but it was transformative. I stopped obsessing over what others thought and began trusting my instincts. I realized that being a “perfect mother” wasn’t about doing everything right; it was about doing my best, one day at a time, especially for my toddler.
From Anxious to Empowered
Now, I see self-doubt for what it is—a dragon. It doesn’t disappear overnight, but you can learn to tame it. I’ve gone from being an anxious mother, trapped by my own expectations, to a happier, more confident version of myself. It is a journey in progress but I am in a happy place.
The journey isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: the way you talk to yourself matters. Be kind, be patient, and remember, you’re doing better than you think.
So if you’re battling self-doubt, take heart. You don’t have to slay the dragon in a single day. Start small, talk to yourself with kindness, and watch how your world begins to change.