How to stay calm during the heated arguments in office?

By keeping emotional intelligence in your pocket

I wish I had learned these skills earlier — they would have made my professional life so much easier and fulfilling from the very beginning. Recently, I came across an article that mentioned how professionals today spend a significant amount of time in meetings and decision-making. To navigate these situations effectively, we need more than just technical expertise or strategic thinking — we need emotional intelligence (EQ) to remain calm.

While many people believe that success in any industry relies heavily on technical skills, sound decision-making, and driving results, we often overlook the powerful role emotional intelligence plays in shaping strong and effective leaders. Think about it: how many brilliant ideas get lost because of poor communication, or how many projects stall due to unresolved conflicts? Through my own journey of over 12 years in the corporate world, I’ve come to realize that EQ is the key differentiator between someone who simply manages a team and someone who truly leads one. It’s the glue that holds effective teams together and the compass that guides successful collaborations.

In this blog, I’ll share some of my personal experiences and reflect on how cultivating emotional intelligence could have made a meaningful difference in my early years. I’ll also include some quick-to-implement, practical exercises to help you start building these essential skills. For this post, I’ll focus on three often underrated but deeply impactful emotional intelligence skills, skills that not only stand alone but also powerfully enhance one another:

The Struggle with Active Listening

Early in my career, I had a habit of interrupting colleagues while they were speaking. I must admit — I’m still a work in progress. But what I often used to do was, instead of truly listening, I was often busy preparing my response in my head. I used to assume that I had already understood their point. Over time, I realized this habit sometimes made me come across as rude, leading to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts. Imagine a project meeting where a key concern was raised, but because I was focused on my next point, I missed a crucial detail that later caused a setback. If the following hacks were in my pocket, I would have navigated through several conversations effortlessly, fostering better understanding and preventing potential roadblocks. Nevertheless, it is not late. Make sure to by heart the following exercises to become the king (Queen) of the listening skill.

Practical Exercise:

Next time you’re in a conversation, practice the 3-second rule: wait three seconds after the person finishes speaking before responding. This forces you to fully absorb what they’re saying.

If you feel that a person is not stopping and repeating the same thing, you can politely interrupt and confirm your understanding. For example, “So, if I understand correctly, your main concern is X? Is there anything else related to this?” You can also ask if you are missing anything.

Occasionally mirror their body language if you are talking in person. That way, a person feels you are genuinely interested in what they are saying, creating a stronger connection.

I have tried to create a framework around the listening ability which goes as the following:

PARSS Framework

• P – Pay Attention: Be fully present. Maintain eye contact (or camera on in remote settings), observe body language, and avoid distractions. In a remote setting, this can be tricky—but keeping your camera on and making eye contact (or at least acknowledging others with a nod or glance) can go a long way.
• A – Acknowledge (Withhold Judgment): Listen with an open mind. Avoid interrupting, judging, or jumping to conclusions. Use verbal cues like “I see” or “uh-huh” to show you’re following.
• R – Reflect: Mirror what the speaker is saying through paraphrasing or subtle verbal cues to show understanding. For example, “So, what you’re saying is…”
• S – Summarize: Briefly recap key points to ensure clarity and confirm your understanding. “To summarize, the key takeaways are X, Y, and Z. Have I got that right?”
• S – Share: Respond appropriately with your thoughts, experiences, or support—while staying focused on the speaker’s needs.

Navigating Conflicts through Empathy: Seeing the World Through Their Eyes

Moving into a role where I dealt with clients meant I ended up in some pretty tense arguments. At first, I kind of saw clients as the opposition, not really as partners. So, whenever they asked for more stuff, I’d get all defensive. It was the same with the people inside the company too. They’d want things, and I’d be thinking, ‘Seriously? Can’t you just be happy with what you’ve got?’ I was pretty sure I’d already put a lot of thought into what we were doing. But then I realized, hey, these folks aren’t trying to make my life hard – they’ve got their own stuff going on. Maybe the client’s demanding tone stemmed from pressure they were facing from their own stakeholders. Perhaps my internal colleague’s “unreasonable” request was driven by a critical project deadline I wasn’t fully aware of.

When we are in conflicting conversations, we often shut ourselves off emotionally and refuse to see things from others’ perspectives. But curiosity can be of huge help here. Letting the person tell more about the place they are coming from can make a huge difference in de-escalating tension and finding common ground. Empathy isn’t about agreeing with the other person; it’s about understanding their feelings and perspective, which in turn allows for more constructive dialogue and problem-solving. This skill directly builds upon active listening – you can’t truly empathize if you haven’t fully heard and understood their point of view.

Practical tips

The big thing I learned was not to take things personally and to remember that we’re all trying to make things easier for the clients, the company, and me too. Following are some practical tips to cultivate empathy.

• Before responding to a difficult email or request, take a deep breath and reframe the situation. Ask yourself, “What underlying need is driving this request?” or “What might be going on for this person that I’m not seeing?”
• Try to understand that a colleague or any other stakeholder carries lots of baggage of responsibilities. Before jumping into any conversation, take 30 seconds to tell yourself that you would treat the other person with kindness and will be open to listening to the different perspective.
• Actively seek to understand their emotions. If someone seems frustrated, acknowledge it: “I can see that this is frustrating for you.” This simple acknowledgment can be incredibly validating.

Assertiveness (Not Aggressiveness): Standing Your Ground Respectfully

For a long time, saying no was super tough for me. It meant I’d end up agreeing to things others wanted and feeling stressed trying to get it all done. In my head, it was like if I said no, people would either hate me or I’d have to be really mean about it. It felt like it was one extreme or the other. Then I learned about being assertive. It’s basically about setting your limits without being a jerk. Standing your ground on what you believe is right, while still respecting the other person’s needs and opinions.

Honestly, being assertive has saved me from a ton of unnecessary stress and has actually improved my relationships because people know where they stand with me. It also complements empathy. By understanding the other person’s perspective, you can articulate your own needs and boundaries in a way that is more likely to be received positively. For instance, instead of a blunt “No,” you might say, “I understand that this is important for your timeline, and I wish I could take it on right now. However, my current workload is at capacity, and I wouldn’t be able to give it the attention it deserves. Perhaps we could ¹ explore [alternative solution] or revisit this next week?”  

In a few meetings, people would come up with some pretty out-there requests. Instead of just saying yes to keep the peace, I started explaining why those things weren’t really doable. And if I didn’t have an immediate answer, I’d just say, ‘Okay, let me check with my team and get back to you on that.’ Buying myself some time like that really helped me formulate a thoughtful and assertive response.

Practical Tips for Implementing Assertiveness:

• Know Your Boundaries and Needs:
  • Identify your limits: Understand what you’re comfortable saying yes to and what will lead to stress or burnout.
  • Prioritize your tasks: Be clear on your workload and what you can realistically take on.
• Use “I” Statements: Frame your needs and feelings from your own perspective, e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when…” instead of “You’re giving me too much work.”
  • “I need some time to think about that before I can give you an answer.”
  • “I would appreciate it if…”
• Learn to Say “No” Respectfully:
  • Be direct but polite: You don’t need to give lengthy explanations. A simple “No, thank you, I’m not able to take that on right now” can be sufficient.
  • Offer alternatives if possible: If you can’t fulfill the exact request, you might suggest another solution or a colleague who could help.
  • Don’t over-apologize: While politeness is key, avoid excessive apologies that undermine your “no.”
• Express Your Opinions and Needs Clearly and Directly:
  • Be specific: Avoid vague language. Clearly state what you need or what your position is.
  • Maintain confident body language: Stand tall, make appropriate eye contact, and use a calm and firm tone of voice.
  • Stick to the facts: When explaining your position, focus on objective information rather than emotions or accusations.

Conclusion

Looking back, my technical skills got me in the door—but it was emotional intelligence that moved me forward. Learning to really listen, lead with empathy, and assert myself respectfully changed everything. It opened new doors, strengthened relationships, and cut down on unnecessary friction. Honestly, it’s funny how much smoother those early years could’ve been with these tools in my pocket.

But hey, the good news is that it’s never too late to start flexing these EQ muscles. Just like any other skill, these take consistent practice and self-awareness. So, take those practical exercises, give them a shot in your next interactions, and be patient with yourself as you grow. Pay attention to how these skills impact your conversations and relationships. Trust me, investing in your emotional intelligence isn’t just about being ‘nice’; it’s about becoming a more effective communicator, a more influential leader, and ultimately, a happier and more successful professional. It’s a game-changer I wish I had discovered sooner, and I sincerely hope sharing my experiences encourages you to start – or continue – your own EQ journey today. What are your experiences with these skills? Share your thoughts in the comments below!