Learn to build self-worth from within and embrace the power of internal validation.
I love it when someone appreciates me for all the efforts that I take for my family or work. But when someone criticizes even for a bit, it hurts me and sometimes even ruins my day. Have you also ever felt an instant boost when someone praised you? And on the flip side, has one negative comment ever ruined your entire day? If so, you might be relying too much on external validation.
Seeking approval from others is natural—we all enjoy compliments and recognition. But when your happiness depends entirely on others’ opinions, it can leave you feeling insecure, anxious, and emotionally drained.
In this blog, we’ll explore what validation is, why we seek it, and how to shift from external validation to internal validation for a healthier, more fulfilling life.
For what matters in life is not whether we receive a round of applause; what matters is whether we have the courage to venture forth despite the uncertainty of acclaim.
– Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow.
What Is Validation?
Validation is the acknowledgment or recognition of your thoughts, feelings, or actions. It can come from two sources:
External Validation: Praise, approval, or reassurance from others (e.g., social media likes, compliments, promotions at work).
Internal Validation: Self-acceptance and self-appreciation (e.g., recognizing your own efforts, being proud of yourself).
Both forms of validation are important, but an overreliance on external validation can weaken your sense of self-worth.
But why do we need it?
We look for validation from others because:
- We want to feel accepted in our social circle. While we were hunterer gatherers, if we are not accepted by our tribe, we would be killed by wild animals.
- We want to feel that we matter as an individual. I was reading a book titled “how to know a person”. In this book it was mentioned that when mass shooters were interviewed, one of the patterns that was identified in most of them was: they were looking for attention and acceptance from others. If someone would have told them that they matter, they would not have done such thing.
- We want to feel that we are able to make an impact and our efforts are not in vain.
Is It Healthy to Want External Validation?
Yes—up to a point. Seeking external validation is a natural human trait. From childhood, we look to parents, teachers, and friends for encouragement. In the workplace, recognition boosts motivation. In relationships, feeling valued strengthens connections.
However, problems arise when:
You need constant approval to feel good about yourself.
You avoid decisions out of fear of disapproval.
One negative comment overshadows multiple positive ones.
A certain degree of validation helps in career growth, relationship-building, and social acceptance. But when we let it dictate our actions and self-worth, we risk losing our authentic selves.
Internal vs. External Validation: Understanding the Difference
| Internal Validation | External Validation |
| Feeling proud of your efforts | Relying on praise to feel worthy |
| Trusting your own judgment | Seeking constant reassurance |
| Accepting yourself despite imperfections | Feeling unworthy without approval |
| Making decisions based on personal values | Making decisions based on others’ expectations |
| Motivated by self-improvement | Motivated by social recognition |
The key is balance—valuing external recognition while developing inner confidence.
The Downside of External Validation
While external validation feels good, relying too much on it can have serious downsides:
- Unstable Self-Esteem: Your self-worth fluctuates based on what others think.
- Fear of Rejection: You avoid risks and suppress your opinions to fit in.
- Emotional Dependency: Your happiness is controlled by outside factors.
- Inauthenticity: You may compromise your true self just to gain approval.
In some cases, people may go to extreme lengths to get validation—constantly seeking attention, altering their personality to fit in, or even engaging in self-destructive behaviors to gain approval.
The Science Behind Seeking Approval
Why do we crave validation? Science offers some answers:
- Dopamine Release: Social approval activates the brain’s reward system, giving a “feel-good” effect—similar to a drug.
- Evolutionary Roots: Humans are wired for social acceptance because, historically, being part of a group meant survival.
- Self-Esteem Connection: People with lower self-esteem tend to seek more approval as they struggle to validate themselves internally.
Social media intensifies this craving by offering instant feedback in the form of likes and comments, making external validation even more addictive. The more approval we receive online, the more we crave it, leading to a cycle of dependence on external praise.
Signs You Might Be an Approval Seeker
Do you rely too much on external validation? If you relate to these signs, you might be an approval seeker:
- You feel anxious if no one praises your work.
- You constantly check social media for likes or comments.
- You say “yes” to things you don’t want to do to please others.
- You struggle to make decisions without reassurance.
- Negative feedback impacts you more than positive feedback uplifts you.
- You often change your opinions to fit in.
- You feel worthless when you don’t receive praise.
- You compare yourself excessively to others.
If you recognize yourself in these behaviors, it might be time to work on strengthening internal validation.
How to Practice Internal Validation
If you want to break free from the need for constant approval, try these strategies:
- Practice Self-Love: Accept yourself, flaws and all. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. I am a short in height. I still feel insecure wearing flats while I go out. I feel that people will judge me for my short height or some may not take me seriously for that matter. I have recently started going to few places with my comfy shoes. Though it is still a work in progress but I am proud of slowly accepting myself the way I am. Self-awareness plays a huge role in knowing yourself better.
- Celebrate Your Progress: Instead of waiting for others to notice your achievements, acknowledge your own growth.
- Accept Feelings Without Judgment: It’s okay to feel down sometimes—don’t rely on others to “fix” your emotions.
- Live by Your Values: Align your actions with what truly matters to you, rather than chasing external approval.
- Recognize Your Strengths: Keep a journal of your achievements, no matter how small.
- Reframe Negative Thoughts: Challenge self-doubt with positive affirmations. These days I have started feeling lonely by constantly working from home. So to deal with this negative thought, I listen affirmations in the morning as soon as I wake up. I will definitely let you know how they help in my successive blogs.
- Take a Social Media Break: Reduce the urge to seek validation from online platforms.
- Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Build relationships with those who encourage self-acceptance rather than conditional approval.
- Engage in Self-Reflection: Spend time alone to understand your motivations, beliefs, and goals without external influences.
Conclusion
External validation isn’t inherently bad, but relying on it too much can make you feel powerless. True self-worth comes from within.
Next time you find yourself craving approval, pause and ask: “Do I truly need this, or can I validate myself?” Shift the focus from seeking validation to embracing self-acceptance—because you are enough, just as you are.
Would you be courageous enough to share one insecurity of yours? Drop it in comments !!
